How an Old Minivan Proved Captain Slow Right

"Pacer Racer" (pacerracer)
02/04/2016 at 11:14 • Filed to: minivan, driving, fun, vintage, Top Gear, Low Power to Weight, FWD, Jalop

My daily driver, a 2006 4.0L Mustang, decided last Monday would be a prime date to have a major transmission failure. For most, this would mean that they would be walking to work or school for the next few days, but not for me. No, I was fortunate enough to have an extra car at my disposal. This meant that until the Mustang could be repaired, I would be driving my Aunt’s 1985 Plymouth Voyager. I assumed that it would make for a boring week of driving.

Boy, was I ever wrong.

I’m sure more than a few Opponauts have seen the episode of Top Gear in which James May rejects the advances of a Nurnburgring Edition hot hatch (I believe it was a Vauxhall, but the model eludes me) to take a Fiat Panda around the test track. All the while he praised it for being a car that one could drive to the edge at all times, in almost any location. I found this curious at the time, a young American that had never had less than 150 Horspower throbbing away beneath his right foot. I always assumed this was just how the other, less fortunate men in countries where one couldn’t buy a 300 HP car for less than $40,000 excused their underpowered econoboxes. Then a certain minivan turned the world I knew upside down.

I’v had no end of enjoyment since I started driving this thing. I’ve had it floored in 35 MPH zones WITHOUT violating the speed limit. At 40 MPH, this thing feels like its positively flying. Thanks to the position of the front wheels right beneath your feet, it feels as though the back of the van isn’t even there when cornering. If I drove the Mustang the same way I’ve driven the van this week, KDOT would be washing my guts off the pavement.

So, maybe in the end it really isn’t about supercars, or dyno numbers, or burnouts. Maybe it’s not about what sorts of performance goodies you can shove into a car, maybe it’s what you can take out. And maybe, just maybe, in a world where Hellcats and LaFerraris are hailed as the kings of the cars, we could take an old minivan to wake us up.

DISCUSSION (18)

PotbellyJoe and 42 others > Pacer Racer
02/04/2016 at 11:18

Maybe it’s not about what sorts of performance goodies you can shove into a car, maybe it’s what you can take out.

The modified Colin Chapman ethos.

toomuchcommuting > Pacer Racer
02/04/2016 at 11:34

I have the same feeling towards my 2014 Chevy Cruze. Its not very powerful, but with a shiftable 6 speed, a small turbo it can be great fun to take to the edge but still be safe. I frequently drive my fathers 2014 Camaro SS and I’m always afraid to push it to its limits because of the power and I have a family to think about.

jariten1781 > Pacer Racer
02/04/2016 at 11:34

Fun Fact, we had a Grand Caravan with that same interior. I got shoved off a slide and ended up with a compound fracture. My mother made me mop up the blood and grabbed a ton of napkins from the Burger King before driving me to the hospital so I wouldn’t bleed on her seats.

If there was any color of interior that would minimize visible blood stains it would be that one.

Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig > Pacer Racer
02/04/2016 at 12:05

I still want to slam that thing.

wiffleballtony > Pacer Racer
02/04/2016 at 12:16

Personally, a slow crap car is fun for about a week.

64C10 > Pacer Racer
02/04/2016 at 12:46

Awesome writeup, and OH MY GOD THAT INTERIOR!!! I NEEEED IT!!!

That's gonna leave a mark! > Pacer Racer
02/04/2016 at 13:51

Think your Aunt will notice you have been flogging her ride?

Gideon33New > Pacer Racer
02/04/2016 at 13:56

A truck based minivan like an Astro can provide all of the same, with stone cold reliability, and easily tow your Stang to the shop or track.

I sometimes get looks when I take out my Astro for grocery shopping, trips to the hardware store, or picking up parts. The funny thing is that the very same minivan often tows a track car that would have them shitting their pants.

Scoff all you want but my minivan has saved me enough money over the years to build some sweet toys.

Heck, I once found and bought an AE86 that couldn’t be driven for dirt cheap simply because no other buyers had a way to bring it home. $700. It only needed less than $200 to be roadworthy. I went on to do a custom. Weber setup, full suspension, and a bunch of misc then sell it for a VERY healthy profit. What got me that car? That’s right ... A minivan.

Pacer Racer > Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig
02/04/2016 at 22:53

Kinja'd!!!

Wow, that was the worst Photochop ever.

Pacer Racer > Gideon33New
02/04/2016 at 22:56

Definetly. Minivans can be cool, especially the RWD examples like the Astro or Previa. I guess it just suprised me a little that the Voyager specifically was sort of fun. Always assumed it was about Camry-levels of fun.

Pacer Racer > 64C10
02/04/2016 at 22:57

This one was garaged, most of them will have been nuked by now. But I’m sure if you look long enough, there’s another out there somewhere that hasn’t went pink yet.

Pacer Racer > Pacer Racer
02/04/2016 at 23:17

Kinja'd!!!

Did a...slightly better one?

Pacer Racer > That's gonna leave a mark!
02/04/2016 at 23:20

Trust me, she knew it would happen before she loaned it to me.

Gideon33New > Pacer Racer
02/04/2016 at 23:40

Like any tool they have their uses.

That's gonna leave a mark! > Pacer Racer
02/05/2016 at 07:00

Then your reputation proceeds you :)

Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig > Pacer Racer
02/05/2016 at 08:08

Just showing the drop.

64C10 > Pacer Racer
02/05/2016 at 08:21

Craigslist here I come!

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > Pacer Racer
08/29/2016 at 10:54

Ive always said; “Id always have more fun driving a 69 beetle at highway speeds than driving a Lamborghini on the autobahn" Driving a slow car fast is just so much more fun than driving a fast car fast